Old story retold

I keep getting asked to repeat the story of my first week in Baghdad...so here it is again...starting the day after I got my (44 in a 30kph) speeding ticket. Yes, its still too recent for me to laugh at...

So, i mentioned the speeding ticket--which, yes i did try and flirt with the MP....even tried to show a tad bit of cleavage. Unfortunately i prob just looked idiotic leaning towards him tugging at my buttoned up polo shirt. That, coupled with me copping a tiny attitude after i realized i couldnt angle my cleavage so he could see it didnt help matters.

Anyways, to punish me for being a speeder and getting this stupid ticket, my 2009 automatic landcruiser was ordered to be taken away and replaced with a manual 1995 landcruiser (poor me).

It was this order that began the terrible chain of events that have thoroughly punished me for my speeding infraction. So....I sheepishly go to a far far away part of the base that is completely industrial to trade in the cars. The whole way there the sky is a bit overcast --but I pay no attention to that as I jam to the radio and cruise (but not speed) all the way there. Im a good 10 miles from my hooch and my place of work when i pick up the stupid old landcruiser when the overcast day turns in to a full on monsoon. Ok, maybe not a monsoon but it was PORING rain. Now I was warned about the mud here--its slippery, it can pull off your shoes, but its sooo much worse than described. Absolutely unbelievable--its like walking on gross slimy (did i mention slippery) ice!! Anyways, its PORING rain and im not familiar with the area AND the windshield seal is not holding up and is dripping heavily on my leg--so im totally distracted by the water that is quickly soaking my pants and I, of course, take a wrong turn.

As soon as I turned i KNEW it was wrong and thought--DANG, I better turn around fast because Im headed off base and I dont want to go past the point of no return (at the clearing barrels)! So I swing wide, off the road a tad to make a U-turn...and i hear the dreaded noise of tires spinning in the mud--and im not moving! So, with my (very) limited knowledge of how to get out of a slippery situation, i wrongfully decide to 'rock' the car back and forth (a tad backwards, then hopefully two tads forward) to get myself out of the mudslick. Well, that was a horrible idea--and i soon found out that 'rocking' was the worst thing possible to do. Anyways, the rocking moved me back further and further from the road where i was even deeper in the mud. However, by some miracle, I FINALLY got a tiny bit of traction! Not wanting to waste my only chance to get free on something stupid, i thought about it and came up with a plan of action that was (in retrospect) idiotic. So, I decided on using my traction on getting the tires on some thick reeds that were on the ground near the front tires. i thought that if i could get on those, the tires could grab them and Id be out. However, as I leaped my truck on to them it completely nosedived in to much deeper mud!!

At this point im buried mid-bumper deep in this nasty, slippery, deep mud--about 10 feet away from the road now and getting further. I cant move the car at all anymore and its STILL poring rain (making more mud). I have no cell phone (I do now). Im wearing a white shirt. Its about a half mile walk to anywhere with a phone. No one is stopping to help, so my only option is to get out and walk. Getting out presented yet another problem--knee deep mud outside every door.

(The picture isnt the EXACT mud I was stuck in, but close)

I had no other options, so i stepped right in. It almost sucked off my tennis shoes and i almost tipped over in it but I eventually made it to the road with both shoes and standing upright. As I got to the road, a very friendly Iraqi stopped to 'try and help'. He didnt speak english, but he wanted me to hop in his car and he would drive me to the nearest phone. (he tells me this in arabic while staring at my soaked white t-shirt). Needless to say, i DID NOT get in the car! I was glad to have a weapon on me, only it was wet, muddy and my mags were under velcro covers, so im not sure i could have used it if I needed to--I def couldnt have used it fast!

While soaked from the top down and muddy from my knees down, I started to walk in the direction of a phone when a tow truck saw me, saw the car and offered to help. He fished out the stupid landcruiser, all the while scowling at me and saying something like 'typical woman' under his breath. I started this adventure at 10am and didnt get back to my hooch for a much needed shower till 5pm. i wanted to stay in my hooch, curl up and sleep for the rest of the day because it was such a rough morning, however I couldnt take the whole day off so off to work I went. :(